Awards & Honors

Kaitlyn's Story

So you want to know more about how Kaitlyn came to be? Well, I guess its a familiar story amongst cross dressers. Some of my earliest memories were of attractive women and wanting to emulate them. I can recall being about 4 or 5 and being fascinated by Cat woman on the old Batman TV show. The way Julie Newmar looked in that cat suit was incredible and I wanted to look just like her. Later as I grew older, Charlie's Angels once again stirred those emotions and desires. I used to lie in bed at night and pretend to be one of the angels, stuffing things up under my pajama top to give myself breasts. Around that time I was also watching a saturday morning kids show called Electra Woman or something like that. Anyway, she was a super hero who wore the coolest boots. I remember playing Electra Woman and running around the house wearing my mothers boots. No one ever said anything about it, but they must have wondered.

As a young teenager, both of my parents worked so I was a latch key kid. Boredom one day on a school vacation took over and I decided to try on a pair of my mothers pantyhose. Wow! They felt so good, there was no turning back now. Eventually I started trying on all sorts of her clothes, getting dressed up fully. I even tried a little makeup. I would accessorize with her jewelry and spend days all dolled up. I really didn't understand why I was doing it, but I did know that I enjoyed it. It wasn't long before I started noticing the girls at school. I was attracted to them and wanted to look like them at the same time. I had my share of girl friends at this time. I also had access to all of my mothers clothes and shoes until eventually, I grew too big for her things. So what was I to do? I ended up taking things from neighbors clothes lines only to feel great remorse for stealing a few days later. I always would end up putting them back.

Soon I graduated from high school, and spent some time working full time prior to collage. In those years I was always dating someone. At one point my then girlfriend went on vacation with her family and asked me to watch their house. Wow, I was given full access to all of her clothes and a place to dress up in private. Although most of her things did not fit me, the urge was too much to resist. Later I got married to a different girl, and to make a long painful story very short we ended up getting divorced soon after we were married. I moved back in with my parents while I was getting back on my feet. I told my self that since I was newly single, I would allow myself some time to explore my dressing desires. I went shopping at a local mall one day under the pretence of shopping for my nonexistent girl friend. If anyone knew that was not the truth, they never did let on. I ended up getting a fantastic pink skirt, white sweater top, a bra and panty set, a garter belt and stockings as well as a pair of 3 1/2 pumps that were a size too small but I wore them anyway. I would hide these things away in a box in my room and take them out late at night. At this point in my life I saw an add in a local weekly newspaper for a support group called TGIF. It took weeks for me to build up my courage enough to call. Once I did I spoke with a wonderful person named Jennifer or Stephanie (I'm so sorry I can't remember for sure). She told me that to join the group I would need to meet with one of the members in a public place (in guy mode) to be sure that I wasn't some kind of lunatic or physco. I eventually met with Steph/Jenn in a small restaurant in Albany. She must have figured that I was OK and invited me to her place so that we could talk more openly. We had a wonder conversation that afternoon (and that's all you perverts!), she showed me pictures of her all done up, she looked great, and she assured me that I could look that good as well. I bought a great wig from her. She offered to help me shop for some breast forms. I left telling her that I had much to think about and needed to sort things out before I joined the club. I told her that I would call her soon. I never did. I eventually moved out of my parents house and into an apartment with a roommate. Wanting a fresh start, I swore off dressing and I purged all of my things the night before I moved.

As you might have guessed, that that purge didn't end things for me. I did not dress while I lived in that apartment except for once when a girl friend left some of her clothes behind after staying over for a long weekend. Once again the urge was building. I eventually met a wonderful woman who would eventually become my wife. I moved in with her and was able to keep my urge to dress under control for a year or so. Around that time, my girlfriend (now my wife) had some very sexy clothes, and I mean very sexy! So I took the opportunity to wear them when ever I could. I enjoyed it so much. At this time I wasn't dressing fully, just her clothes and underwear. Of course eventually I felt very bad about this and swore it off again. That didn't last for long and soon I was raiding her stuff several times a month. At one point she came home unexpectedly while I was dressed, I locked myself in the bedroom and got undressed as quickly as I could. At the time she didn't know what was going on and didn't find out that day. But she eventually did find out. I know that you all want to know how she found out, so I will not keep you in suspense any longer, well maybe a little longer. A few months after almost being caught by her, I found the internet.....wow there are others out there that like to do this too! It was a time of great learning and personal reflection. I downloaded and printed some information on how to better transform myself. I kept this information in a brief case along with a few pieces of clothing that I had "borrowed" from my finance (yes we were engaged at this point, and I know I should have told her before I asked her to marry me, but I was chicken). One day she decided to do one of those wonderful things that are a big part of why I love her so much. She decided to leave me a love note for me to find some time latter. She thought that if she put it in my brief case, I would eventually find it. Only thing was she found something instead. It took her several weeks for her to come right out and ask me. When she did ask me, I told her the truth, that I was a cross dresser. I enjoy wearing women's clothes. We did not talk much about it beyond that. She actually tried to act like nothing had happened. Well, since she didn't bring it up again, neither did I. I did however figure that since she knew and still intended to marry me, that I would have to get some things of my own. I also decided that I needed a name. I eventually chose Traci Fox. Don't ask me why, but in my defense I was really just starting to explore this part of me, and the name seamed to fit at the time.

I continued to dress up when ever I had time alone. I occasionally purged and tried to stop, but I never could. Some three years after my wife had discovered my little hobby, the pressures of keeping it to myself were too much. I sat down with her one night, and asked if she remembered finding my stash of clothes years ago. She said yes, but she had forgotten about it. I told her that it was a part of me that needed to be explored. She didn't realize that I was still doing "it". I told her all about it, we spoke at great length on the topic. The usual questions of "Are you gay?", "Do you want to become a woman?", "Are you bi?", and "Do you do this with anyone else?" were all asked and answered. If you want to know the answers to these questions, please refer to my stats page. After several nights of conversations, my wife came to understand and accept that this part of me. At one point she did ask if I had a name. When I told her she said "With an i? Please!". At that point I no longer had a name, but I did have the understanding of a wonderful woman. She did not want to see me dressed, but she was ok with allowing me time to express that part of me.

We would occasionally speak of the subject, which I could tell still made her uneasy. A year after our big conversation, she got up enough courage to see some of my things. I showed her all of my clothes and of course my shoes! She complemented me on my taste and mentioned her surprise that most of my wardrobe was very tasteful and not slutty. We continued to talk about my dressing every so often. She learned that I do most of my dressing while I was out of town on business. It got to the point where she would remind me to pack some things and take some time for dressing up. It was also around this time that I found a name that I feel suits me much better - Kaitlyn Alexis.

About a year after that I returned from a business trip. She asked if I had time to spend dressed up and I told that I did. Later that evening, I was sitting with my wife talking about normal day to day things. I told her that I had just ordered some things for Kaitlyn and to expect some packages later that week. She asked what I was getting so I told her about the makeup I had ordered. We began to talk much more about Kaitlyn. After a half hour or so, I got up the nerve to ask if she would like to see some recent pictures of me dressed. In the past she stated that she was not ready for that, but I put the offer out there anyway. She said yes! I remember being very nervous as I tried to pick out my best pictures to show her. Once I had them arranged in a slide show I let her see Kaitlyn for the first time. I held my breath........Her first reaction was "That's you?", "Wow you look great", which was followed by "What size are you? You skinny bitch!" I was overjoyed. You can see the pictures I showed her here, here and here.She asked to see more pictures. As she was looking at them, she asked why I took my wedding ring off when I was dressed. I opened a browser and sent her to Kaitlyn's home page. I explained to her that since I posted my pictures on the site, I didn't want to have anything that could identify me. I was scared that she would be upset about the site, but quite the opposite she liked it very much!

I recall thinking that this night could not get any better. I was wrong! We spent some time shopping for shoes together online. We talked about style and makeup it was great. She even suggested that she would like to see a gothic photo shoot with dark makeup and the works. She also said she would like to see me as a red head! We talked about so many things that night like stockings, girly music, bras and much more. The best was yet to come, an hour later as we lay in bed, she told me that Kaitlyn needed a little black dress and that we would go shopping for one together. I was afraid that someone was going to pinch me and I'd wake up. I was so happy that I could have cried.

Three days later, my wife and I were at the mall shopping for Kaitlyn. I must admit that I was a bit nervous at first but that eventually wore off. We spent two hours shopping. I got a great black skirt, a flower print skirt, a black silky top, a black and white top, a great faux suede dress, and some fantastic suede boots with good sized heels on them. We didn't find a little black dress that night, but we vowed to keep looking. We went to dinner after shopping and my wife told me that she had allot of fun and we should do it again soon. She also let me know that she was not yet ready to meet Kaitlyn in person.

In the days and weeks that followed that shopping trip, my wife and I talked much more frequently about Kaitlyn. She often times brought the topic up. I ordered many new things online, and showed her each item when it arrived. She told me that she didn't know why but she was really starting to get into this. Her help and acceptance of Kaitlyn brought me even closer to her. She suggested that I should start to moisturize my face daily so it wouldn't dry out when I removed my makeup. On her suggestion, I purchased some moisturizer. She asked if I liked it and I told her yes. She asked if she could try it and we now share the facial moisturizer! One remark that sticks in my head to this day was "This is great, I have my husband, my best friend, and my best girlfriend - and their all one person!"

Well that just about brings you up to date with Kaitlyn. Of course the story goes on and I will attempt to keep this updated as things happen. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

Update: My wife finally met Kaitlyn face to face. Read about it in my journal entry here!